I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
