I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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