im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
