don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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