I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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