I just pynch a tree in the face
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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