Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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