Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
