i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
