Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
