I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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