How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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