Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
too bad you live with your parents still
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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