i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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