there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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