How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
