I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize