dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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