before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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