there's paper in my vomit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
