you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
