when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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