it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
