i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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