the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
