I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
