Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
