you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
