I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
