Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Bring me that man meat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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