Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
