my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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