In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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