I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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