How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
