My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
