When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
