It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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