You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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