I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
