i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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