Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
