I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
