no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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