I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
