i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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