What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
