matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
