He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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