I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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