either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize