If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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