how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
