I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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