haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
