we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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