Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
