She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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