no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
