He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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