The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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