im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
