dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
