well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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