My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
