Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
