i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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