is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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