I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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