if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
do herpes really smell.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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